I don’t really like pets. Too much faffing about. Had a couple when I was a kid. The cat got run over. The rabbit was devoured by a fox. Not really had much luck with pets. Plus we already had kids to look after. Surely that’s more than enough.
The wife would love a dog. And then the kids want one as well. But I’m not budging. My initial story that I am allergic to animals worked for a while. And coupled with us living in a flat, it’s not fair on the pets to be constantly in doors.
What about a fish. bügger.
So we got a gold fish. Kids being kids, and Disney being good at marketing, it was named Nemo.
E
very thing went quite well for ages. Every week we would change the water, clean the bowl, drop Nemo on the floor. He kept going for over a year. Surprisingly sturdy things.
You can just make out the fish bowl sitting on the cupboard.
But then one morning he wasn’t swimming anymore. The Wife, being good at thinking on her feet, before the kids could see it, quickly removed the evidence. And told the kids Nemo had gone on holiday. Everyone needs a break. It actually worked. Not a murmur of doubt.
Obviously after a few days the kids started to ask when Nemo was coming back. Soon. At the weekend. They didn’t forget. But managed to stall for a couple of weeks.
Finally the big day. Return to the pet shop to “collect” Nemo from his holiday. Everyone is on-board and excited to welcome him back. Easy peasy.
Double bügger. The shop doesn’t have the same type of fish anymore. Out of stock. Maybe in a couple of days. Pet shops do not run out of bog standard gold fish. The staff don’t quite understand the myther we are in. It was The Wife’s idea. I never wanted a pet in the first place.
Luckily the kids were looking at the rabbits.
As I approached to try to explain that Nemo on his return from wherever he had been on holiday (couldn’t think of anywhere that might sound plausible), had been diverted to another pet shop. It happens all the time. It happened to us coming back from Spain. Story starting to get really tenuous and could unravel spectacularly in public.
The kids are talking to each other. No.1 is looking quite serious. I sense trouble.
“he’s dead”.
“fish don’t go on holiday”.
Monumental mountains of büggery.
No.2 turns to me.
“can we get Nemo’s brother?”