off ground tig

This time it was my turn to take the kids away for half term. A short trip back up North to visit my brother’s young family. Keep the connection with the roots. And leave The Wife behind.

Usual thing, we turn up to a neat and tidy house and within 10 seconds the place is turned upside down in a whirlwind of hyper excited kids. But it’s all about keeping the cousins connected so it’s alright. And it’s not our place.

We ventured to the Moors, plenty of fresh air and the kids could burn off some of that energy. A bit of good old fashioned cheap entertainment. With no electronic devices in sight.

After a while it actually starts to be a bit difficult to keep a hoard of wild kids occupied on a flat featureless expanse of moorland.

We milked hide-and-seek as much as we could. Which is not bad considering there is not a bush or tree for miles.

After several games of “tig” we started to go through all the variations. Had to explain to our Southern kids that up North “it” is called “tig”.

We ran through; standard tig, team tig, off-ground tig, tig with bases, frozen tig…

Each time a new version was suggested everyone had to shout at each other their suggestions for the rules. Without any regard for what anyone else was shouting. This was obviously the best way to come to a consensus over rules. Complete bedlam.

After each game rule selection shouting match the combination of rules was becoming more and more complex, with the name of the game becoming longer and longer.

The final session was getting quite heated and intense, with the suggested game being; off ground-team-fox-with bases-frozen-box guard-tig.

When the brother’s No2 says

“you mean banana”

Of course we did.

Nemo is on holiday

I don’t really like pets. Too much faffing about. Had a couple when I was a kid. The cat got run over. The rabbit was devoured by a fox. Not really had much luck with pets. Plus we already had kids to look after. Surely that’s more than enough.

The wife would love a dog. And then the kids want one as well. But I’m not budging. My initial story that I am allergic to animals worked for a while. And coupled with us living in a flat, it’s not fair on the pets to be constantly in doors.

What about a fish. bügger.

So we got a gold fish. Kids being kids, and Disney being good at marketing, it was named Nemo.

Egold fish bowlvery thing went quite well for ages. Every week we would change the water, clean the bowl, drop Nemo on the floor. He kept going for over a year. Surprisingly sturdy things.

 

You can just make out the fish bowl sitting on the cupboard.

But then one morning he wasn’t swimming anymore. The Wife, being good at thinking on her feet,  before the kids could see it, quickly removed the evidence. And told the kids Nemo had gone on holiday. Everyone needs a break. It actually worked. Not a murmur of doubt.

Obviously after a few days the kids started to ask when Nemo was coming back. Soon. At the weekend. They didn’t forget. But managed to stall for a couple of weeks.

Finally the big day.  Return to the pet shop to “collect” Nemo from his holiday. Everyone is on-board and excited to welcome him back. Easy peasy.

Double bügger. The shop doesn’t have the same type of fish anymore. Out of stock. Maybe in a couple of days. Pet shops do not run out of bog standard gold fish. The staff don’t quite understand the myther we are in. It was The Wife’s idea. I never wanted a pet in the first place.

Luckily the kids were looking at the rabbits.

As I approached to try to explain that Nemo on his return from wherever he had been on holiday (couldn’t think of anywhere that might sound plausible),  had been diverted to another pet shop. It happens all the time. It happened to us coming back from Spain. Story starting to get really tenuous and could unravel spectacularly in public.

The kids are talking to each other. No.1 is looking quite serious. I sense trouble.

“he’s dead”.

“fish don’t go on holiday”.

Monumental mountains of büggery.

No.2 turns to me.

“can we get Nemo’s brother?”