December 2016 - dadblog

Therapeutic robot pet

I was at a trade fare in Germany. Doing some essential market scoping and competitor analysis. The suggestion that I needed to get away on a company jolly is completely unfounded.

I must have made a wrong turn as I ended up in a huge hall full of people selling hospital beds.

The first bed is a bit interesting. After 3 or 4 it gets a bit difficult.

While trying to collect the cool free-bees, which is tough in a hospital bed convention, I stumbled on a really weird stand.

It wasn’t even clear why it was in a bed trade fare.

It had to be Japanese. And they had been doing serious research to validate their claims.

If you are feeling a bit lonely the robotic seal will respond to your commands.

It doesn’t really do much. It only flaps about and nods its head.

Apparently it helps lonely people.

A sort of giant Tamagtotchi.

Perhaps when you are in a hospital you need a seal to keep you company?

The Wife is a very cautious person and likes to keep a watchful eye on everything. This not only includes me but also our digital security. We thought we were doing quite well with our passwords against the kids. they were too young to read with any speed. plus they couldn’t work it out as a keyboard is not the normal alphabet.

Our first password for the home laptop was something quick and easy for both The Wife and I to remember. And it kept the kids off the computer. Unfortunately number 1 learnt to read and she got the hang of the password quite quickly.

we should have made it a bit more tricky than – home

all lower case which was an oversight. As number 1 held it in great delight to proclaim that she had worked out the password.

“i can read, you know!”

We decided to beef up our digital defenses and we upgraded to a fiendish mixture of alphanumerics with symbols. including a personalised acronym and a key date, summed. The Wife made it using her own logic and reasoning. DeepBlue would take a million years to crack it.

We slept very peacefully in the knowledge that our 2 offspring could never roam the internet and empty our bank account while playing Pokemon on our laptop. oh happy days.

Some time later, probably many months, if not dozens of months later I did a double take as i saw number 2 playing away on the laptop. This could not be possible.

I quickly confronted her and asked how she had got in to the laptop.

“did mummy let you go on her computer?”

“i’ll ask her…” I said with my – you know i’ll ask her and if she doesn’t agree you’ll be in really big trouble look.

number 2 says sheepishly, “no”

the look worked.

“so how did you get on it?”.

“I know the password” number 2 admits.

“do you?” i ask mystified.

“yes”

I can’t even remember it as it is so complicated. How could a five year old?

“how?” I asked.

“oh, I kept watching and remembering the next number”.

“and i wrote it down in my maths book so i wouldn’t forget”.

128 bit encryption bolhouks

the naughty step

not sure when this new disciplinary technique turned up. definitely wasn’t about when i was a kid. six of the best was a fairly common occurance when dad came home.

but the naughty step is certainly all the rage now. Obviously it only really works if you have steps. As we lived in a flat with a long corridor it was not very practical to implement. Plus all the neighbours would see how often the kids would be sitting there and would jump to conclusions that we couldn’t control our offspring.

The eldest is a bit stubborn and usually ended up in trouble. Some say she takes after her mother. I don’t make that comparison. But others have.

Our solution to the naughty step was the “naughty corner”. The benefit of this is that almost where ever we were there was generally a corner close by where she could be placed. The only place we ever came unstuck was at the circus.

One Saturday morning she had been playing up again and ended up in the kitchen corner.

At some point in the morning some friends popped over for a quick chat. we lived in a lively part of town and often had people pop in for a free coffee and biscuit rather than pay at one of the local cafes.

we were having a good old chin wag when the mate returns from getting some more biscuits from the kitchen and says “is it normal that number 1 is sitting on her own in the kitchen?”

“oh yeah, she was being naughty this morning”

“but we arrived 2 hours ago, she hasn’t moved all this time?”

We might have forgotten she was there. But you can’t get enough discipline.

what’s your dream job

when i was a kid we had simple aspirations. I wanted to be a train driver, some of my mates wanted to be footballers or astronauts. real tangible jobs that did something.

now, it might be true that none of us actually did what we dreamed about; some are lawyers, no one did anything sporty, one lad did time for insider trading, and i make powerpoint slides. But at least we are real.

At my primary school, a JMI (junior mixed infants), we didn’t have an end of year school book. I think they only did that in America. but now our kids spend the whole year thinking about what they are going to put in it, I need an epic selfie to go in the EYB.

I don’t know what previous years put in theirs, but i am sure that we could tell a great deal from the “my dream job” section. The current crop of millennials would be interesting to revisit. I wonder if they put in their “my dream job” bit: feckless, pseudo-multi-tasker, pulling sickies with RSI from excessive texting.

Number 1 finally left primary school, and much to my dismay there were no prospective train drivers, no astronauts/jet pilots and only one footballer.

but, out of a year containing 47 kids, 9 put as their dream job – youtuber or social media star!

19% want to be a youtuber!!!!!!!!!!

i don’t know where it all went wrong. but it has gone seriously pear shaped.

Those 19% are so going to be disappointed with PowerPoint.